Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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