The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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