I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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