just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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