I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
