You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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