she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
