"it" just moved
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Randomize
