no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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