I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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