It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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