I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
