Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
