Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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