Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
