You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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