Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize