I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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