can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dicks are not precious.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
