Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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