You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
did i just pee glitter
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
