just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
