I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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