I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio