sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...