Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun