I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
