so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
