i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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