Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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