Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
