Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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