Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Randomize
