I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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