Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
