he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
she told me i tasted like america
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
