I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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