I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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