this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
