dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize