my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
