i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
