dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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