you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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