I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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