1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
