I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
