I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well I can't set my house on fire every night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
