No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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