Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize