All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
tell me about the fingering
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