After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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