you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
