'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
