sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
