Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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