Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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