Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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