Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
