that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
