i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
