Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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