at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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