I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
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