Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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